When you go thru traumatic situations in life and you internalize it, you harden your heart and you eventually begin to make people deal with your pain and burdens from that trauma. People that have had nothing to do with the experience will become victims to your circumstances, because of you sweeping the experience under the rug of " im fine" or "im doing good" . Many people are so numb to their trauma they exist in a very well fitted mask or even have created a alter ego rooted in survival and pain.
As a recipient of trauma you have to be careful of not hurting people that did not administer this pain you are dealing with, this is the importance of doing healing work. When you do your healing, the reaction you give to being triggered by people or things, that often times have no idea of what is triggering you, will not come from a place of vindication and revenge. You won't hurt people who have not given you that hurt. Your response will come from a more emotionally valid place. Your pain will still feel like pain but instead of hurting a innocent bystander (child, lover, husband, wife, friend etc) you will allow them to love you and support you. Sometimes the punishment you give to people outside of your past traumatic experience can be delivered as you pushing people who love you away. Due to most trauma coming from sources that we trusted or should have been able to trust, in the most natural capacity. Most of our first heartbreak or pain came from someone who was supposed to protect or love us. The reaction of anger, emotional unavailability, abuse , negativity, etc is a response that is rooted in fear. Usually you are afraid of being hurt, of being placed in a situation that your vulnerability is able to be used against you.
People typically blame themselves for trauma. Doesn't matter the age, the circumstances, people grow to be adults and live in a headspace of self blame, shame and guilt. Some people begin to use their circumstances to make other people hurt and feel their misery and pain. Then they use that energy to build romantic and platonic relationships with other humans. Never truly allowing room to heal. To study thyself. To form healthy boundaries within the borders or your own pain. The goal is to not hurt people who have no idea of what you feel because you are "fine" and "doing good". The goal is to not make " them pay". Who is they? Who is truly the source that "owes" you.
As I write this I think of all the people I have loved so freely and the ones who hurt me and in every occurrence I know they attempted to place their trauma on me and in my emotional maturity and spiritual strength I could not "make" them pay. They already pay daily with the misery of inactive accessible free love. Their harden hearts have eliminated many experiences that allow much growth internally. Their attempt to make me pay a debt knowingly or often times unknowingly always will fail. My super power is rooted in healing. The best thing I have been able to do in response to these type of humans is to remove myself. Even in the event where you can't physically dismissive you can create healthy boundaries. Such as with close family ties, like children or parents. You can also remember to always know your options. If you have gotten this far in this blog and you are still reading, choose to heal, do not be the person I've explained, you have a choice to lift your "rug" and deal with trauma, dealing with your trauma will allow you to be loved more throughly, responses will not be as tit for tat when you are triggered. You will be more free in your most natural capacity to build and maintain " healthy relationships". This involves friendships as well. People that can't maintain friendships also fall in this topic. Relationships go beyond romance. This involves family as well.
In closing I would like to say that many forms of healing toward trauma involve time alone to recalibrate your emotional clock. Nobody is responsible for your pain but "YOU". Nobody is obligated to be your emotional punching bag. Prioritize your own personal healing from a place that is rooted in softening your heart. Not jumping at the first attempt that is made at getting close to you, but understanding humanity is flawed and most adults have not faced their abusive fathers or the absence of love in their childhood, etc. Be realistic, be firm and remember growth and healing is a option. The more honest you are with yourself when you are met with this energy or administering it to people you meet on your journey, the greater your experience of universal love will be.